Internet
8 (47.1%)

internet
9 (52.9%)

website
15 (83.3%)

web site
3 (16.7%)

Yes: That skull is cursed with evil, scurvy, and the blood of a thousand sailors
12 (66.7%)

No: That skull is cursed with evil, scurvy and the blood of a thousand sailors
6 (33.3%)

Cherry
1 (7.7%)

Strawberry
0 (0.0%)

Orange
0 (0.0%)

Lemon
1 (7.7%)

Banana
0 (0.0%)

Lime
3 (23.1%)

Grape
3 (23.1%)

"Blue"
0 (0.0%)

Watermelon
1 (7.7%)

Bubblegum
0 (0.0%)

Root beer
1 (7.7%)

Cinnamon
0 (0.0%)

Peppermint
1 (7.7%)

One of the innumerable "exotic" flavors you can get in Skittles, Lifesavers, jellybeans, etc.
0 (0.0%)

Something else, which I will mention in the comments
2 (15.4%)

Cherry-orange-grape
8 (66.7%)

Banana-lime-root beer
4 (33.3%)

Red
6 (46.2%)

Orange
0 (0.0%)

Yellow
1 (7.7%)

Green
3 (23.1%)

Purple
2 (15.4%)

Black
1 (7.7%)

Yes. I will also never eat a Jelly Belly jellybean again just to avoid any possibility of consuming this creation.
1 (7.7%)

Not really. The risk seems minimal. I will eat these jellybeans at the same frequency as before.
10 (76.9%)

No. I endorse the willful production of things flavored like vomit, and look forward to sampling.
2 (15.4%)

I have already tried this and will report my story in the comments.
0 (0.0%)

Zero. You need all your faculties to mask your hilariously poor play.
0 (0.0%)

One. You can blame mistakes on being a beginner.
2 (16.7%)

Two. You can still blame mistakes on inexperience, only you'll have to do a lot more of it.
4 (33.3%)

No limit. In fact, strive to drink a lot so your terrible play will endear you to the rest of the class.
6 (50.0%)

Little or none. You risk vomiting on the court and never getting a doubles partner again.
2 (16.7%)

Some is ok. In fact, consumption of mini-quiches is likely a pre-requisite for good tennis play.
3 (25.0%)

Load up! Food means energy, so lots of food probably means superpowers!
7 (58.3%)

I only recognize tennis sports which I can play indoors and loom over the table like a Roman God.
2 (20.0%)

Hilarious yuppie sport. What are you thinking?
2 (20.0%)

Hilarious yuppie sport. Yet I am also a yuppie, so it sounds fun.
3 (30.0%)

Fun, decent exercise, and a way to avoid spending two evenings a week watching college basketball and playing Half-Life.
5 (50.0%)

OMG, Roger Federer! Oh wait...no. No, it's just you, Josh.
1 (10.0%)

I have my own unique thoughts about tennis, which I will share in the comments.
2 (20.0%)

Get it out of there. It's punctuationally wrong and does nothing stylistically useful.
0 (0.0%)

I don't think it ruins anything, but it doesn't add much, either.
2 (16.7%)

Keep it. It's more interesting that way.
9 (75.0%)

Are you STILL mad about your English score on the GRE?
1 (8.3%)

1974's Autobahn, illustrating efficient German transportation.
0 (0.0%)

1978's The Man-Machine, illustrating terrifying late-'70s German fashion.
1 (14.3%)

1981's Computer World, demonstrating their advanced technological prowess with a Tandy TRS-80.
1 (14.3%)

1975's goofy Radio-Activity in which they draw comparisons to John Cage, so you know it's pretty weak on ideas.
2 (28.6%)

1977's Trans-Europe Express, which raises the question of why they need four people in a band where all the songs are synthesized loops and one guy whispering.
3 (42.9%)

Oh, my, yes
3 (42.9%)

Nope: Devo
0 (0.0%)

Nope: They Might Be Giants
4 (57.1%)

Nope: Gary Numan, even solo, trumps them all
0 (0.0%)

Nope: Someone else, who I will mention in the comments
0 (0.0%)

Totally, irrepressibly lame
6 (50.0%)

Not so much lame but sadistic
1 (8.3%)

Not so much sadistic but like experimental psychology in which I am the unwitting victim
5 (41.7%)

It's not lame at all. Also, I work for Sprint.
0 (0.0%)

Oh, good lord, no!
4 (33.3%)

Do you have millions of dollars and a phalanx of lawyers at your disposal? 'Cause then, maybe.
1 (8.3%)

And crawl to another wireless carrier that will treat you like garbage? Do let us know how that turns out.
6 (50.0%)

I am also small and afraid.
1 (8.3%)

Call customer service hotline, wait on hold no matter how long it takes, pointlessly bitch at underpaid operators
2 (18.2%)

Futile stream of passionate e-mails to Sprint customer service robots
0 (0.0%)

Get hired at Sprint. Work long enough to earn $200. Quit immediately, use $200 to pay contract cancellation fee
5 (45.5%)

Daring midnight raid on Sprint headquarters to hack into computers
2 (18.2%)

Sue company. Lose badly, but in the meantime the contract will have expired.
1 (9.1%)

Arrange hostile takeover of Sprint company
3 (27.3%)

Move to forest, communicate only by smoke signals and telepathy
8 (72.7%)

Compose snarky polls. Hope Sprint executives find them and realize the error of their ways.
6 (54.5%)

Fake death
4 (36.4%)

Real death
5 (45.5%)

Built with care by BUILDER 49
0 (0.0%)

An Aquarium Ticket does not guarantee a Dolphin Presentation
1 (11.1%)

Both of these are gems of abstract comedy
2 (22.2%)

Neither of these are funny. Good effort, though.
0 (0.0%)

This doesn't even make any sense. What the hell is wrong with you?
0 (0.0%)

I like your polls better when you let us name your furniture
6 (66.7%)

Never! If it takes the rest of my days, I will finish every book I start
0 (0.0%)

Rarely! Only in the most extreme circumstances of hating the book
7 (63.6%)

Sometimes! I think I have a healthy book-giving-up attitude
2 (18.2%)

Regularly! I don't mind abandoning a book that's not good enough for me
1 (9.1%)

A better question would be "Do I ever FINISH a book?"
1 (9.1%)

I told you I will NEVER give up on a book! NEVER! You'll have to kill me first.
0 (0.0%)

We're just not on the same wavelength and I'm hopelessly lost
4 (40.0%)

I'm generally starting to think it's a stupid book
7 (70.0%)

I put it down for too long, and I'd have to re-read too much to recall what's happening
7 (70.0%)

I'm getting too excited about some other book and would rather read that
4 (40.0%)

It's, like, really long, and I'm not in the mood any more
4 (40.0%)

I was reading it to impress someone and they stopped caring
0 (0.0%)

I start a lot of books. Only those I deem worthy get finished.
3 (30.0%)

It is written by Thomas Pynchon
1 (10.0%)

It is written by David Foster Wallace
2 (20.0%)

It's baseball season
1 (10.0%)

Other reason(s), which I will explain in the comments
0 (0.0%)

I don't know. I never give up. Never! Everyone else is quitters
0 (0.0%)

I fall into the dark abyss of shame
2 (18.2%)

I feel more dumber
0 (0.0%)

We both knew it was time to move on
3 (27.3%)

The AUTHOR is the one who should feel bad
5 (45.5%)

It happens so often, I am numb to it
1 (9.1%)

There is no giving up. There are only pauses until I finish. Which I will. Quit asking already.
0 (0.0%)

Yes, probably. I am an intellectual masochist
2 (18.2%)

Yes, maybe. I might understand better some other time
6 (54.5%)

Unlikely. Too much else to read
2 (18.2%)

Hey, it had its chance. This isn't a charity. Leave me alone.
1 (9.1%)

Being seen naked
3 (42.9%)

Speaking in public
1 (14.3%)

Falling (well, landing, actually)
1 (14.3%)

Bad animals (snakes, spiders, etc.)
1 (14.3%)

Traffic accidents
2 (28.6%)

Having parts of your body mutilated
2 (28.6%)

Something chasing you
2 (28.6%)

You're in a restaurant, and you order tofu, but they're out!!
0 (0.0%)

Being chased by animals while naked, and later, having to give a speech about it
0 (0.0%)

Other (elaborate in comments)
3 (42.9%)

Being seen naked
5 (62.5%)

Speaking in public
5 (62.5%)

Falling (well, landing, actually)
6 (75.0%)

Bad animals (snakes, spiders, etc.)
3 (37.5%)

Traffic accidents
5 (62.5%)

Having parts of your body mutilated
5 (62.5%)

Something chasing you
5 (62.5%)

You're in a restaurant, and you order tofu, but they're out!!
2 (25.0%)

Being chased by animals while naked, and later, having to give a speech about it
4 (50.0%)

Other (elaborate in comments)
1 (12.5%)

Beautiful animals at their most beautifulest
0 (0.0%)

I watch it to annoy my cats
1 (7.7%)

Hey, this looks like something that will distract me from doing my taxes...
4 (30.8%)

Puppies!
3 (23.1%)

I like my ugly mutt better than any of these stuffy dogs
5 (38.5%)

Kind of dull to watch them run around
6 (46.2%)

Hey look, bored rich people!
6 (46.2%)

Best in Show is like, the entertaining version of this
6 (46.2%)

Yet another symptom of an inevitable armaggedon
4 (30.8%)

None of these options express my feelings about dog shows. Once again, you disappoint me
2 (15.4%)

You have GOT to be kidding me
6 (46.2%)

Some of those things are seriously the ugliest creatures I've ever seen
5 (38.5%)

As if cats aren't arrogant enough
7 (53.8%)

Man, cats!
5 (38.5%)

None of these options express my feelings about cat shows. Once again, you disappoint me
3 (23.1%)

Leave it as-is. No way you could make it better. Hee-hee-hee. "Ass of darkness"
5 (62.5%)

Photoshop out the text, leave just the creepy dude and his planets
2 (25.0%)

Use your mad p-shop skillz to put alternate text in there
0 (0.0%)

Actually, you should fix ALL your icons so they feature some variation of the word "poo"
1 (12.5%)

Buffet
1 (10.0%)

Sidetable
2 (20.0%)

Credenza
1 (10.0%)

Cabinet
3 (30.0%)

Yuppie table
0 (0.0%)

Mini-sarcophagus
1 (10.0%)

Short person's wardrobe
0 (0.0%)

Hideous skewing of nature
0 (0.0%)

Wooden robot superpal
0 (0.0%)

Unfathomable waste of cash
1 (10.0%)

You have wasted our time. Thank you!
0 (0.0%)

Something else, which I will share in the comments
1 (10.0%)

My hair looks fantastic as usual
1 (7.7%)

Not perfect, but pretty swell
5 (38.5%)

I'm somewhat disappointed by the hair today, it just doesn't look quite right
3 (23.1%)

Today, I am filled with shame